Alive
by phayte1978
Summary: He didn't like how he made everything more work for Ash. Up until Eiji met Ash, he felt as if he walked through life with his eyes closed- never truly living.


He didn't like how he made everything more work for Ash. Up until Eiji met Ash, he felt as if he walked through life with his eyes closed- never truly living.

Not that being involved in the midst of a gang war was living… but there was life to Ash. There was a spark that reached out to him, lighting the coldness inside of him he never knew was there. Eiji knew he had lived a sheltered, good life. His parents made sure he was happy, well fed and properly schooled. There were no complaints with how he was raised. His sister was slightly annoying and always into his things- but Eiji was loved. There was so much he had taken for granted. Like his mother telling him to grab a umbrella, his sister holding up that all too embarrassing sign at the track meets, or how his dad always told the worse jokes when they were in public.

Eiji had come to America as an innocent wide eyed boy with this ideal of what America was all about. It was lights, glamour and seedy undergrounds. He never had any idea he would be thrusted into those undergrounds. Seeing things he had only read about in wild tales he believed to be fiction.

Leaning against the railing where the paint was chipping from weather-worn, Eiji took a deep breath. The city was sprawl out before him and his thoughts moved a mile a minute. He was so deep into this, but there was no way he could leave now, no way he could move back into his easy care free life.

"Thought I would find you up here," Ash said, moving next to him, leaning.

"Just wanted some air."

Neither of them spoke, though both their minds continued to move. Eiji knew Ash wanted him away from all of this, back in Japan and safe.

"I can't go back," Eiji said.

"You need too."

Shaking his head, he had no idea how to explain it to Ash. Both of them turning to face one another, and Eiji was captivated by the way the wind blew Ash's hair. Both of them were banged and bruised up from earlier confrontations the previous day, and both mentally exhausted from this same argument.

"I… can't."

"You will."

How does he explain it? Staring adamantly up at Ash, Eiji was not backing down. His hand reaching out for Ash's shoulder, gripping it harder than he should. The city behind them buzzing with life as the wind picked up a bit more.

He was so tired of this, his frustration level boiling over. Tears stinging his eyes as he held onto Ash's shoulder tighter, though he couldn't look him in the eyes anymore.

"No!" Eiji screamed with a voice that didn't sound like his. "You don't get it do you?"

"That I want you safe?" Ash asked.

Grabbing Ash's other shoulder, Eiji felt like shaking him. It was not all Ash's fault, he had never explained how he felt.

"I feel like I have a purpose for once!" Eiji exclaimed. "I may not be good at… any of this! But still! I feel more alive right now! More than I have ever felt!"

"I'd rather you be alive than living."

"If you send me back…" Eiji's hands moving off Ash's shoulders and hanging to his side now. His body limp as he stood there, shoulder shaking where he fought off the tears. "My soul will die…"

"Goddammit," Ash growled, moving to quickly hold Eiji to him, pressing his face into his chest. "Why can't you just go so I know you are taken care of?"

"Then who takes care of you?" Eiji choked, his hands clutching hard to Ash's shirt- afraid to let go. Looking up, green eyes with all the tenderness in the world met his. Ash who was feared by so many, his eyes that could easily kill a man with one look- only made Eiji melt. "I'm no one unless I'm by your side."

A heavy sigh and Ash pressed his lips to Eiji's in a kiss. The city still roaring with life below them, the clouds starting to cover the stars in the sky as the wind continued to pick back up.

"I need you to continue being someone, even if you aren't by my side," Ash said once his mouth left his.

"Until I met you," Eiji said, his arms letting go of Ash's shirt, circling around his waist. "I wasn't anyone… I don't want to go back to that."

Eiji always felt there was something more between himself and Ash. A magnet that pulled them together, a thread they were each linked to- something.

Ash's lips where pressed into a thin line as he stared down at him, but Eiji was not letting go til he got his answer.

"Fine," Ash said, "but you better start listening better."

"Promise!" Eiji exclaimed, tightening his hold, raising on his toes to kiss Ash.

Shaking his head, Ash met Eiji's kiss. He knew as much as he wanted Eiji safe- he also couldn't let go of the one good thing in his life.


End file.
